Brett shan't play that immoral GTA IV game.

Brett isn't too old for a "Your mom" joke.

Brett Writes to the Germans This Time

Brett Writes to a French Cardinal

Brett Doesn't Want to Adopt a Goddamn Baby!

Office Profanity

Well? You heard the man.

Brett gives Fujifilm a stern talking-to

Brett Writes to Bombardier Subway Car Manufacturers

Brett is one of 90 million Americans suffering from a bad pancake incident.

Brett Writes a Press Release to Welcome the Pope to NYC

Brett has a Mirapex problem.

Brett Writes to an Ice Cream Truck Manufacurer

Brett Writes to the National Downs Syndrome Society

Brett Writes to the Society of Antiquaries in London

Brett Writes to The Home Depot

No. No, you can't have any.

So, for a solid month now, I've posted a letter for every weekday, plus fairly frequent updates on weekends. I need a goddamn break. Don't worry, I'll just be gone the weekend. Kickball and alcohol are on the agenda.

Traffic has gone through the roof here, and it's probably a bad time to need a break... but there's only so much quality and class that I can cram up your ass at one time.

I'll be returning with more "ASK JESUS", and plenty more letters. Your feedback keeps me going. If you're too shy a flower to talk to me, at least e-mail Jesus to ask him a question.

Hearts and sex,

Brett

P.S. If you're a total asshole who simply needs to laugh, here's a good link from the past: Click here, you greedy slut.

Brett Writes to the Society for Sex Therapy and Research

Brett Writes to Career Builder

Maybelline/Garnier Writes to Brett

Companies will apologize for anything.

Remember when I wrote a completely neutral, disinterested consumer letter to Garnier Fructis?

Well, they got back to me:







That's $10 I've "earned" from my labor. That pays for registering this domain for a year. Maybe if I complain to Fort Knox I'll get a complimentary bar of gold.

Ooh, I should complain to Elizabeth Berg about something.